It’s been about a month now since I left my day job at Opening Ceremony and have dedicated all of my time, energy, and mental capacity to actualizing this thing called “a career in music”. One of the things I’ve noticed, a realization I hold dearer than before, is my admittance that I can do nothing without the love that surrounds me. That is to say, you can’t choose WHO gives you the love and hold a grudge, but just accepting the genuine care through whichever human decides to manifest it for you. Right now, I’m grateful to say the biggest ones are my immediate family, a blessing I know is rare and desired. I can speak teary-eyed to them and they love me, I feel victorious and they applaud me, I make mistakes and they consult me. A blessing. There are times of frustration nowadays where I walk around aimlessly looking for a reaction from life. The contemplation every morning on how to best execute on a daily basis is a haunting yet liberating experience. I was in no way totally financially secure when I made my decision, but faith wise and gut wise I knew it was time. No result about how my days will end up are concrete, but I’ve never felt more powerful. I’ve been able to be myself this much.
As some “dark” moments arise (ones that I better label as lessons I’ve ignored), my appreciation for my family, friends, and fans alike has increased tenfold. I encourage anyone reading this to really hug a friend, hug your mother figure, hug your babygirl, care for those around you who you do not have to pay for their affection. I’m at a turning point in my life - I don’t have enough money to buy Christmas gifts as nice as I’d like, I’m scraping up earnings as I submit paperwork clearances and all for my album, and success looks like its right around the corner waiting for me. On the daily - I’ve made it a point to look at the sun, dead at its center, and breathe gratitude. I’m grateful that I have the strength to care about my dream, grateful that no matter what pain or cold shoulder I receive that I never succumb to it but just take it on the chin like a mothafuckin champ. I’m most aware now of the impact my actions have and the helper I can be - even this post even if its just me rambling to self could be of use to someone. NO ONE has it all figured out, everyone is just doing their best impressions of security.
Last night, more than people probably realized, was a great turning point for me as an artist. Filling up the little basement at Esther & Carol with true fans and onlookers alike and just feeling the energy and love glue together song by song was a reminder that I needed. People know my words…..they sing them as if they wrote them!!!!! It’s insane.
Just know, if you see me, you’re seeing a human just like yourself. I have my goals that I KNOW I will accomplish, but none of it can come to life without the support of my people. In the tough times, in those dark moments, be appreciative of the perspective and embrace it. Cry your eyes out, scream it out, shout it out. But eventually - use your pessimism in a productive way. Turn it into fuel, because you never know the secret onlooker whose counting on you to rise like a Champion so that they too know the good days will come. Thank you for loving me, I love ya’ll more than I can type.